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Life Issues

Another Letter to Bev.

Hello my darling,

Well, here it is, coming up towards two and a half years since you “pitched your moving tent a day’s march nearer home” for the very last time. I’m finding that my experience of grief is an ‘interesting’ process. It takes on different forms depending on my needs at any particular time. Most of the time I just can’t believe that it is two and a half years since you slipped away on that April night on what feels more like maybe 12+ months ago.

It is more than a little interesting to hear other people’s comments as they talk about their experience with this emotion. It is as though they know I will understand since I am walking this path every day. I suspect that they wouldn’t dream of telling those who have not encountered the power of grief.

I have had a few conversations with people who are troubled by some aspects of their grief experience.

Probably the one that is most disturbing is when they sense the presence of a loved one in the room with them. This is particularly so when that person knows that their loved is in heaven. Then why this sense of ‘presence’? Sometimes that sense is strong enough to have them turn around half expecting to see some form or image of the dearly departed.

I have had this experience on a number of occasions. It hasn’t concerned or troubled me to any great degree but it has puzzled me. While I can’t be dogmatic about it, what information we have in Scripture (limited though it may be as compared with the number of questions we have), there seems to be insufficient evidence to think you would be able to visit back here or that you would want to, for that matter!

I have come to the place of recognising that what I sense in those moments is not your presence but your influence. That influence is part of your legacy left with us. Your presence is with our Lord but your influence remains and at times is strong enough to feel like you are actually here and present. In so many ways every day I am reminded of how you looked at things while we were together that I can just (almost) see and hear you. Your opinion on a whole range of subjects continues to be influential in varying degrees. 

Be that as it may, I was reading about you just recently. It was the Apostle Paul who wrote, “…….we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him…..and the dead in Christ will rise first.(that’s you, my love). After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

Whatever be the reason for the sense of presence mentioned above, this is the presence that I await with great anticipation.

But until then

You remain the love of my life


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