Well, how about that?!! A report today from the United Kingdom has found that children whose parents take a "tough love" approach are better prepared to achieve in life. The report was produced by think tank Demos after it had tracked the lives of 9,000 families over a period of 8 years.
(I'm very tempted to go down the sarcasm pathway with this one. Better not! Suffice to say that the truth of the report has been around since the days when King Solomon wrote his proverbs; it's hardly breaking news!!)
"Spare the rod and spoil the child" is often spoken as though it was a direct quote from the Bible - which it isn't. However, it certainly captures and expounds a Biblical truth repeated throughout the book of Proverbs as well as echoed and illustrated elsewhere in the Christian Scriptures. (e.g. Hebrews 12/5-11)
Consider the following insights and directives from the Bible.
If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them. Prov 13:24 NLT
Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't, you will ruin their lives. Prov 19:18 NLT
A youngster's heart is filled with foolishness, but discipline will drive it away. Prov 22:15 NLT
Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death. Prov 23:13-14 NLT
To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child. Prov 29:15 NLT
Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind. Prov 29:17 NLT
The only conclusion a fair-minded person can reach in the light of those quotes is that the Bible is pro-discipline when it comes to raising children.
To return to the UK report, the head of the research team, Sonia Sodha, says the tough love style of parenting combines warmth and discipline, and is far more important in a child's success than parents' income or social background.
"Parents are able to set rules, apply them consistently and fairly and that means that children know what the boundaries are to their behaviour," she said.
I note the report identifies the balance between warmth and discipline.My choice of words would change 'warmth' and replace it with 'love'. As with just about everything in life, we need to avoid destructive extremes and aim for a healthy balance. We need love so that discipline never gets out of control. We need discipline so that love doesn't become anemic. Each safeguards and motivates the other.
If genuine love doesn't motivate any and every expression of discipline, it is highly likely that such discipline will become destructive and, in the longer term, counter-productive. Such love will be critically important in the decision about the kind of discipline that is needed in any and all situations.
I'm not advocating the kind of so-called discipline that results in confusion or over-the-top physical damage. The confusion will come if the boundaries are (or become) fuzzy and/or the discipline is (or becomes) inconsistent.
As is so often the case, the secular world holds to a point of view regarding discipline that is contrary to that taught in the Kingdom of God. But then, just as I am ready to give this old world away, up pops a report that challenges the popular, contemporary mindset and, without knowing it, vindicates the age-old truth of the Word of God.
