Barnabas Network

BECOMING EMOTIONALLY WHOLE

Ruth sat across on the other side of my office desk, tears falling down her cheeks. She was a middle-aged woman who was struggling emotionally as she told me something of her life's story - especially the part that had to do with the physical and sexual abuse she had repeatedly suffered in her teenage years.

The emotional pain was intense, etched upon her face and in her voice. The memories were still so vivid, as though the events she was now sharing with me had happened just yesterday instead of those many years ago. She was a broken and wounded person, emotionally. Yet Ruth had been a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ for many years. How could it be that she was still damaged and disabled emotionally?

I am delighted to say that, over the following weeks, I watched a miracle of healing take place in Ruth's life as she came to experience the reality of Jesus' touch in her emotional life and the wonderful truth about Jesus announced in Isaiah 61 (NKJV)

 

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted…."

 

The "brokenhearted" are those who may look strong and well on the outside but who are damaged and wounded on the inside. Those wounds cannot be healed with medicine or surgery. They need to be addressed at another level altogether. Jesus' mission is to make us whole and complete in every dimension of our lives because every part of our lives has been damaged by the impact of sin and needs to experience that healing or wholeness.

 

Becoming a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ involves both an event and a process. By 'event' I refer to that moment when, in the words of Acts 20/21, we "turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus". By using the word 'process' I mean the life-long journey of being changed and made whole by the power of the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, in far too many cases (and Ruth was one of them), those who have experienced the event have never heard about the process. Somehow they have been left with the false idea that everything following the event will be problem free.

 

Yes, it's true that the Bible tells us that we are a new creation (2 Cor.5/17), but we have now entered upon a life-long process of being set free from the residue of brokenness which is part of the legacy of our former condition. A major area of this re-creation is the dimension of our emotions and it is that dimension which is the particular emphasis ofthis booklet.

 

Setting the scene.

 

Perhaps you have heard about or read the account in John's Gospel when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. I see in that account a picture or illustration of the need of this process to which I have been referring. Raising Lazarus from the dead was one aspect. But then Jesus gave this directive to those who witnessed this miracle: "Take off the grave clothes and let him go." (John 11/43,44). How tragic it would be if Lazarus was raised from the dead only to be trapped and restricted by the grave clothes in which he was still bound.

 

Similarly with us. When we receive this new life in Christ, we still need to be freed from the trappings of the spiritual death from which we have been liberated - the grave clothes that are no longer needed because we have a new life. We are alive again! The good news of the gospel is that God's power not only gives us new life (event) but He works with us continually to restore us to what He intended in the first place (process).

 

This is what happened with my friend, Ruth. When she put her trust in Jesus Christ to be her Saviour and Lord, she received the gift of the Holy Spirit. At that point God began to work in her life in a new way. He began stripping away the grave clothes and setting her free from all that was part of her old life.

 

The Bible talks about the impact of sin on our emotions when it uses the term "infirmities". These "infirmities" or "weaknesses" are not sinful in themselves but they weaken us and make us more prone or vulnerable to sinful thoughts, words and actions. Our damaged or wounded emotions are part of that condition that the Bible calls "infirmities".

 

Back To The Beginning

 

The first response of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden after they had sinned provides us with an insight into what damage had been done to their emotions:

"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

 

For the first time (and certainly not the last) the emotion of fear was experienced by a human being in his relationship with God. It led to Adam hiding from God. The damage was done. The emotional dimension would never be the same again. Intimacy, love, security and joy were replaced by fear, distrust, distance and strain.

 

What Are "Damaged Emotions"?

 

They are emotional wounds and injuries that are the result of what has been done to our inner life. In more extreme cases, the emotional pain may have been so great that their memory has been suppressed to the point where there is no recollection of the occasion/s of the wounding.

 

What Causes These Damaged Emotions?

 

These wounds or injuries have most often been caused by negative words, actions and attitudes inflicted upon us by 'significant others' - parents, teachers, sports coaches - people who have been very influential in our emotional development, especially in our childhood and formative years. These causes may be a single event of a traumatic kind or a pattern of abuse and destruction over many years. The kinds of trauma that can have a negative impact may include…..

 

  1. Rejection - a sense of being constantly unloved, unwanted, criticized or crushed by those who have a powerful influence on my life, especially in the formative years.

 

  1. Parental tyranny - loveless authority that crushes and abuses our spirit. We experience this authority as another expression that we are not good enough no matter how hard we try.

 

  1. Parental indifference - producing within the child a sense of worthlessness. This is the other extreme from tyranny.

 

  1. Bereavement - significant loss produced by death or divorce. This kind of wounded emotion may take a long time to be finally resolved.

 

  1. Physical/Sexual abuse - painful memories that haunt the emotions & cripple the life of the person so wounded.

 

Sadly, many Christians bury these memories rather than face the pain. In doing so, they also bury the possibility of healing. Some believers struggle to face their pain because they believe that, now they are 'saved', they should no longer be afflicted by such realities as dysfunctional emotions. That's because they have not understood the 'process' aspect of what God wants to do in their lives.

 

Some Symptoms of Damaged Emotions.

 

  1. Defective Self-Image - this person is continuously plagued by feelings of inferiority, worthlessness and inadequacy. "I'm no good"."No one could accept me or love me". "God couldn't love someone like me".

 

  1. Inappropriate Guilt - this person is always feeling guilty or inadequate about something or other and is, therefore, always atoning, apologizing, doing more, trying harder. They know little, if anything, of the grace of God and the freedom of that grace.

 

  1. Hyper-Sensitivity - this person is a prisoner to the opinions of others. He/she is often very critical by nature because that's how they defend themselves from feelings of rejection. This leads to anxiety, withdrawal, tension and depression.

 

  1. Fear of Failure - this person has been programmed by 'significant others' to both fear and expect failure. The result is one of two extremes....

 

*Attempt everything (with the hope of getting something right).

 

*Attempt nothing (with the hope of getting nothing wrong).

 

  1. Dysfunctional Relationships - damaged emotions make it difficult (impossible?) to relate to others healthily and appropriately (Remember Adam and God?). This has powerful implications for the marriage relationship, for family life and for relationships within Churches.

 

  1. Repetitive Patterns of Defeat - all the good intentions and resolutions keep being sabotaged by a cycle of resolve, defeat, confession, rededication, resolve, defeat, confession…the cycle goes on.

Two kinds of Christians are produced by this kind of treadmill experience

 

  1. Those who are disillusioned.The power of the gospel does not seem to work for them. They have no testimony of victory. So they despair. Some become bitter. They begin to pull away. Then they give it all away.

 

  1. Those who are pretenders. These people 'play the game'. They cover their fears and failures with a veneer of spiritual talk and activity and hope their real selves will go undetected.

 

How Can We Find Healing For Damaged Emotions?

 

  1. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the real problem. Dealing with symptoms will be short-term and unsuccessful. Check Romans 8/26:In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

 

  1. Face the damaged emotional area with honesty. Stop denying your feelings and begin to own them as yours. Be authentic. Denial delays deliverance!

 

  1. Ask yourself if you really want to be healed.Read John 5/6: When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"This initially appears to be a strange if not insensitive question but it really is 'right on target' because sometimes we make friends with our condition and, truth is, we don't want to change or be changed. Are we ready to face the pain that may come as we open ourselves to God's healing?

 

  1. Seek the support of someone you deeply trust. You can't do this on your own! James 5/14-16: Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

(Incidentally, the word translated 'sick' in v.14 is the same as translated 'infirmed' or 'infirmities' or 'weakness' in other places in Scripture)

 

  1. Acknowledge any responsibility you may have for what happened. However, do not accept responsibility or blame for what others may have done to you but want to blame you for their words or actions.

 

6. Forgive the person/s who wronged you. Refusal to forgive those who have wounded you will weld shut the doors on your emotional prison. Few responses on our part will cripple us like unforgiveness does - the inability or the refusal to forgive another person who has wronged us.

 

7. Let Jesus become involved in your painful experience.Remember, He came to heal the broken-hearted (Isaiah 61/1) and His Lordship and Kingdom can extend over all of your life - including your emotional life.

 

CONCLUSION: Be assured that God's salvation and healing touch can be received in all the areas of our emotional life. Most often this healing is experienced as a process, not an event. The raising of Lazarus was an event. The removal of the grave clothes was a process.

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