The characters are the same as in parable No. 1- Alan, Janet and Pat - and although it will sound very much like the first parable, there is a significant shift in application.
It was to be a marriage made in heaven. Alan was absolutely, unmistakably, passionately in love and committed to Janet.For Janet, there were occasions when she seemed to be less than convinced about Alan's love for her. Pat was Alan's best friend and was to be his best man at the soon-to-be wedding of Alan & Janet. Alan had asked Pat if he would look after all the final arrangements on his behalf.
As part of what was involved in this important trust, Pat needed to spend quite a deal of time with Janet as they finalised the arrangements for the big day. Actually, that's where the whole relational aspect of their friendship started to unravel. There were moments when Janet expressed her sense of unworthiness to be the object of Alan's love. Given from where she had come, Janet knew she was less than the best and the fact that Alan could love her so unconditionally was, at times, more than she could comprehend. But Pat never doubted Alan's love for Janet.
Whenever Janet expressed those rising doubts about whether or not Alan loved her, Pat was right there to assure her that Alan's love was absolute and unconditional.On those occasions when Janet struggled with Alan's absence and the question as to whether or not Alan would ever come back for her, Pat was right there to remind her of Alan's guarantee and promise to come back for her and to marry her.
As Pat spent increasingly large segments of time with Janet, she began to think just how lucky it was for her and Alan to have a friend like Pat. He was so understanding and somehow when he spoke she was re-assured that all was well. She found herself looking very forward to his visits as they prepared for Alan's return and the marriage. In fact, when Pat didn't come as often as she thought he should, she became quite agitated and felt somewhat ignored and unimportant.
Those moments of understandable appreciation for Pat's help and attention started to become more intense until Janet found herself thinking more about Pat than about Alan. Sometimes, when Janet realised that she was too focused on Pat, she would be overwhelmed with a sense of guilt as she realised that she was engaged to Alan and not to Pat and she must conduct herself in a manner that honoured and respected that fact.
But the focus on Pat became increasingly intense. And why not? Alan was absent. Pat was present. Besides, hadn'tAlan left Pat to make all these arrangements on his behalf? So when Pat urged Janet to ring Alan, she was finding it increasingly easy to ask Pat to do that for her. It was almost like Pat had a closer relationship with Alan than did Janet. Certainly Pat seemed oblivious to the drama that played itself out on the screen of Janet's mind and heart. He virtually failed to see how dependent Janet had become on their frequent meetings. She began to carefully orchestrate meetings so that she became more and more dependent on him.
Finally, within the very shadow of the wedding day, Janet's dependence had reached a dangerous and unhealthy level where she looked more to Pat than she did to Alan for guidance, support, and companionship. Then, like a revelation unfolding before him, Pat realised that, in Janet's eyes, he had virtually assumed the role and place that only Alan should have in her life. Drastic, decisive and immediate action was needed to reverse this potentially lethal situation.
The challenge for Pat was simply this: how could he help Janet realise that there was no way that he could ever become a substitute for Alan until Alan came back? How could he disconnect himself from this unhealthy and dangerous relationship with Janet so that Janet was able to become re-focused on Alan and await his return with positive expectation? Could he find a way to fade into the background so that Alan, even in his physical absence, could once again fill Janet's heart and mind as the object of her love and hope and destiny?
THE MEANING OF THE TWO-FOLD PARABLE
In the parables, Alan represents the Lord Jesus who is physically absent but will return as the Bridegroom to receive His bride, the Church, who is represented by Janet. Pat, as the best man, represents the Leader or Pastor who has been commissioned by Alan to do all he can to prepare the bride for the wedding.
The focus in both parables is the relationship between the Pastor (Pat) and the Church (Janet).
Parable No. 1 is seen from Pat's perspective and what was happening for him. In seeking to fulfil his obligation to Alan, he found himself tempted to virtually take Alan's place in Janet's life. In John 3/27-30 it is made clear that the role of the best man is to keep the focus on the bridegroom.
Pastors and Leaders are to connect people to the Lord, not to themselves. This is a great danger in pastoral ministry, especially when the Pastor has a need to be needed. The Pastor is not the bridegroom. The Pastor is the 'best man'.
Parable No. 2 is from Janet's point of view. She quite likes all the attention and she is tempted to make her relationship with Pat a substitute for her relationship with Alan.
Churches can readily fall into this mindset if they regard the Pastor as some kind of "holy man' or 'holy woman' who does all the 'religious rituals'. This puts unbearable pressure on the Leader.
