ON BEING A FATHER
by Mike Robinson
It was one of those clashes that any father could have with a son. But this time I was the father and it was my son who went out and sat on the front verandah in tears after our "encounter".
In retrospect it is now obvious that my unreasonable expectations had collided with his youthful values and the damage to our relationship was not a pretty sight.
My wife took me to one side and quietly but firmly said, "Unless you make some significant changes in your attitude to our son and the way you react to his mistakes, you are going to lose him forever".
Her warning found its mark. I began to pray that God would give me wisdom and the ability to relate to my son in a new way; a way that would build him up rather than crush his spirit and his potential as a person.
Today we are still father and son but, more than that, we are also really good mates. I am more grateful than I can ever say that I did not lose him.
I want to tread very carefully here because some who read this column may well be single mums doing all they can to raise children without the help of a father. But where these words find the attention of a father, I want to make an appeal that you - as a father - recognise the vital role you have in the life of your children and especially in the life of your son or sons.
Your son doesn't need you to work a zillion hours a week so that you can give him "things". He doesn't need you to be absent from most meal times. He doesn't need you to set the bar of your expectations of him so high ("for his own good") that there is no way he can ever achieve your standards.
What he needs is for you to affirm him and encourage him. He needs you to give him that costly commodity called time - and to do so without you making him feel in your debt forever. He needs your understanding when he gets it wrong.
It will be costly. But let me tell you this: the rewards are tremendous.