Barnabas Network International | Online Resources for Churches

I'm still learning to pray.

I’ve been a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ for more than 50 years and I’m still learning to pray.

Actually, the above claim is not entirely true. The truth is that I am learning to pray…..again! 

 I’ve recently suffered a great loss in my life. That loss has impacted me far more than I know. I acknowledge this to be the case because of the effect this whole experience has had upon my relationship with God.

The questions, the confusion, the grief have all contributed to a sense of strain in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. To be honest, I have been through a season in which I have found it very difficult to talk with Him. I know He is there. I know He will never leave me or forsake me.

What surprises me is the fact that the Lord seems OK with my attitude or reaction of rebellion (because that’s what it is). It’s as though He is saying, “It is OK, Mike, because it is part of the classroom into which I have placed you. This is the first time you have experienced grief of this magnitude and your attitude was entirely predictable. So when you’re ready I’m sure we’ll talk again. Like we did in the past. Only more so”.

If I’m hearing that correctly, it contains echoes of the Father of the two prodigal sons. The picture of the father looking, waiting, longing for the return of His younger son pulls at my heart as I realize how gracious God is towards me.

So, dear reader, I think that I am beginning to come to my senses as I sit in the pig-pen of confusion, questions that remain unanswered and self-pity. I want to come home.  Like King David, I want to be restored:

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:10-12 (NIV)

Renew what I once had – a steadfast spirit, steadfast = rock solid

Restore what I have since lost – the joy of your salvation, not just salvation but the joy.


 

 

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