Blog

• THE JOURNEY IS OVER (JOURNAL 90)

  3 June, 2016

  If you were to read our journal entry for this day last year, you would read the following Today's instalment… [more]

• JOURNAL 89

  22 May, 2016

  Hi sweetheart, Sometimes I experience periods of “What if…?”. These are times when my mind seems… [more]

• JOURNAL 88

  17 May, 2016

  Hi Darling, Coming home from the hospital with a mechanical device fitted to my chest – a P.E.G. I think it… [more]

• JOURNAL 87

  13 May, 2016

  JOURNAL 87 The doctor said I can go home this morning. The surgery has had the desired effect and this new means of… [more]

• JOURNAL 86

  10 May, 2016

  JOURNAL 86 MOTHER’S DAY Hello sweetheart, I haven’t spoken to our children as to… [more]

Print

1. Home→
2. Blog→
3. Journal 18+ Letter

• Journal 18+ Letter

  4 July, 2015

   

  Hello Sweetheart,

  “Melancholy” is probably a fairly accurate description of how I’m feeling in the last few days. Each day brings its own contribution of memories, most of them are welcome but some have served their purpose and I wish I could just dismiss them.

  Why is it that the daily things that I need to remember play hide and seek in my memory banks while the trivia stuff is front and centre stage?

  As if that isn’t enough to handle, along comes E (I’m sure you will recall her) with the dumbest question                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        question. “Is life back to normal for you yet?” What a thoughtless question.  I wanted to tell her that she had just asked the most stupid question. Instead I said, “My life will never be normal again. Certainly not as I have known “normal” for the past 73 years. I expect that a new and different “normal” may emerge but I will never have again the “normal” that ceased when Bev took her last breath”.

  More recently I’ve found my mind wandering over the last few months we shared together. Sometimes feelings of gratitude stir within my heart. But then I think of what you suffered during that period. How grateful we both were that you didn’t suffer pain.

  Nonetheless, I recall how your modesty was invaded again and again. But as if to balance that memory, those who cared for you made every effort to respect your dignity. Sometimes as I fed you I would see a faraway look in your eyes. It was a look of resignation; as though you were mentally transporting yourself to another place.

  These are the memories I wish I could dismiss forever. The least I must do is become more disciplined in what I allow to occupy the hall of memories.

  Well, love, this weekend we all gather at T. to bury your ashes. You recall that I told you about that recently? It feels very strange to talk with about such a subject but, since this was your wish, I feel I should keep you “in the loop”. I won’t be writing until after that event but I will let you know how things go.

  But until then….

  You remain the love of my life

  Mike