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• THE JOURNEY IS OVER (JOURNAL 90)

  3 June, 2016

  If you were to read our journal entry for this day last year, you would read the following Today's instalment… [more]

• JOURNAL 89

  22 May, 2016

  Hi sweetheart, Sometimes I experience periods of “What if…?”. These are times when my mind seems… [more]

• JOURNAL 88

  17 May, 2016

  Hi Darling, Coming home from the hospital with a mechanical device fitted to my chest – a P.E.G. I think it… [more]

• JOURNAL 87

  13 May, 2016

  JOURNAL 87 The doctor said I can go home this morning. The surgery has had the desired effect and this new means of… [more]

• JOURNAL 86

  10 May, 2016

  JOURNAL 86 MOTHER’S DAY Hello sweetheart, I haven’t spoken to our children as to… [more]

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• Journal 31

  14 August, 2015

  Hi Sweetheart,

  I’m discovering that there is something about grief that can be very selfish. At least, self-centred.  If you look back over more recent letters to you, you will note (if you haven’t already done so) that I write about myself and I make very little reference to others - including our three great kids.

  It dawned on me over this last weekend as yet another person was commenting on our family that we are incredibly blessed with our children. While I have been taken up with my own grief, they have continued to walk alongside me and process their own emotional responses to your death.

  I think my eyes have been opened in a new way to the wisdom and maturity that each one of our children brings to our current situation. People – many, many people – speak of our children with such admiration that I am beginning to think I must take them for granted. Yet I know that they are worth every accolade that comes their way.

  Those who speak well of them don’t know the half when it comes to their love, care, understanding and the wisdom they bring to their dear old dad. Regular phone calls, personal visits, practical suggestions etc. is the primary evidence to which I appeal and make my case.

  Just a little while ago I found myself becoming distressed because my recollection of the events surrounding your death started to fade. I wanted the details of that day – April 12^th, 2015 – to live long in my memory for however long or short the time left to me. Yet here I was, just a few months down the track, struggling to recall the decisions, the conversations of that most powerful of days.

  They have helped me understand the enormity of my fatigue leading up to and including that day. They have been able to fill in some of the details missing (or fading from) my own version.

  Sweetheart, so much of who and what our children have become is to be attributed to your role as their mother. I think most or of our friends and acquaintances understand some of the uniqueness of life in the Manse and how we all needed to make adjustments over the years – especially the years of formation.

  You insisted (and rightly so) that we have regular holidays. That was one of a number of commitments we made.

  What I am trying to say is that the legacy of those years is what people are seeing in our children today and why I am finding their support so valuable.

  I will write again soon. You can count on it!!

  But Until Then….

  You remain the love of my life

  Mike