PrintJournal 44
9 October, 2015
Hello, my love,
It was good to have our daughter and two youngest granddaughters across for tea on Tuesday last. I enjoy cooking for them which catches some people by surprise! Maybe you share in that surprise??
Well, let me tell you that I have cooked a couple of baked dinners and sundry other delicacies that even my granddaughters found hard to believe. Their company each Tuesday is something I look forward to and they seem to share that anticipation.
I’m finding that this whole grief thing seems to be intensifying. Then again, it is only 6 months since you went home. Maybe I’m being unrealistic.
I think that I am catching up on some of the details that have evaded my attention thus far. I got into conversation with one of the staff who cared for you during those last couple of days and she made reference to a couple of decisions that we made during your last 24 hours of your time with us. This, of course, put me in touch yet again with many of the feelings that I experienced at that time.
The key seems to be to hold two dynamics in tension. One is the reality of your death in all its aspects. The other is the assurance of our home in heaven. To find the balance between the two is one thing. To maintain that balance is quite another.
Most of the time I seem to fluctuate between the two. The highs and lows are not extreme for which I’m very grateful.
I found two entries in your journal which illustrate this very balance. The first reads as follows
“Bad night. I sense the next step in the disease process. A day of great sadness as I realize all that I will not be here to share with my family, especially my younger granddaughters. Sad! Sad! Sad!”
The next entry was the next day and reads thus,
“But nightly pitch my moving tent a day’s march nearer home”. Home! I’m going home! That’s what this journey is all about. A balancing day to yesterday’s sadness”
You are truly a remarkable woman, Mrs. Robinson. No wonder I fell so deeply in love with you. And no wonder I miss you so much.
I have just about finished my preparation for preaching later this month. As I have read, remembered and reflected on the events about which I will speak during that service, I’ve again thanked God that I was able to walk with you to the edge of the valley where you need not fear evil for God was with you.
I’ll write again soon
But Until Then....
You remain the love of my life
Mike.
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