PrintJOURNAL 70
26 January, 2016
Hello Sweetheart,
In our journey together over those 50+ years, you often observed (complained!?) that you felt left out of some of my “mental processes”. I would do a lot of thinking internally. Despite your appeals to involve you more, I suspect that I haven’t changed much in this regard.
Last night I sat alone in the unit feeling very lonely and vulnerable.
I’ve said in previous letters that I am not alone in the sense that I have no friends or people with whom I can interact at a general level. But when it comes to issues that have far reaching implications, there is only one person with whom I long to share – and, of course, that’s you.
The issue at hand has to do with Mr. Parkinson.
We were told at the time of diagnosis that we would have a few good years but the time would come when Mr. Parkinson’s manner would change and instead of being a mild-mannered, obliging boarder he would seek to take control and render the remainder of my life useless.
Well, it looks as if that “prophecy” is now being fulfilled. The medical team at the Parkinson’s Clinic has advised me that I have now reached the full dose of tablets that is recommended and we must now look at alternative options.
I have an appointment with the Neurologist in a few days and decisions will need to be made as a result of that consultation. These decisions will affect my lifestyle significantly….and I don’t have my life’s partner with whom I can share not only the logistics but the emotions that will, no doubt, be impacted by these decisions.
The kids are terrific. Please be assured that I am keeping them in the loop. But there are dimensions that come into play as one moves towards the latter stages of life (which is where I am now) that crave a response that can only come from within their unique, shared experience.
I guess that’s the loneliness of the widow or widower – a loneliness that no one can heal.
I’ll write again as soon as I have seen the doctor.
But Until Then,
You remain the love of my life
Mike
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