Blog

• THE JOURNEY IS OVER (JOURNAL 90)

  3 June, 2016

  If you were to read our journal entry for this day last year, you would read the following Today's instalment… [more]

• JOURNAL 89

  22 May, 2016

  Hi sweetheart, Sometimes I experience periods of “What if…?”. These are times when my mind seems… [more]

• JOURNAL 88

  17 May, 2016

  Hi Darling, Coming home from the hospital with a mechanical device fitted to my chest – a P.E.G. I think it… [more]

• JOURNAL 87

  13 May, 2016

  JOURNAL 87 The doctor said I can go home this morning. The surgery has had the desired effect and this new means of… [more]

• JOURNAL 86

  10 May, 2016

  JOURNAL 86 MOTHER’S DAY Hello sweetheart, I haven’t spoken to our children as to… [more]

Print

1. Home→
2. Blog→
3. Journal 9 + Letter

• Journal 9 + Letter

  2 February, 2015

  Hello again, my love,

  It should come as no surprise to you that I have a lovely picture of you on my desktop so you are the first person I see when I switch on the computer in the morning and the last person I see at night.

  In my last letter to you I flagged that there is a question that is troubling my heart. It is refusing to go away until I have endeavoured to answer it. It somehow seems to reach to the heart of my own spiritual life.

  “Have you forgiven God for what He allowed Bev to suffer?”

  I’m sorry, Bev. You must be so disappointed with me and my attitude at this time. You remember, “How’s Your Attitude?” Well, at the moment I think it needs some healing! It is not as though I feel abandoned by the Lord. I know He is with me. I know He sustains me. It’s just that we aren’t talking or, at least, I’m not talking.

  Has this question about forgiving God penetrated to the core of my problem?

  At first sight the question sounds heretical…blasphemous. At the very least it projects an arrogance that does not become one who is a disciple or a servant of the living God. To talk about forgiving God suggests that somehow we see Him as being accountable to us.

  I think I’ve walked this path of discipleship long enough to know that God is under no obligation to explain anything to me. That’s His call. It’s just that the vacuum created by His silence must be filled with something…anything!!

  I’m behaving as though I am the one who did the suffering, not you. You were the one who carried this suffering with dignity and grace. Sure, I had to watch what was happening to you and that constituted its own form of suffering.

  Having been my life's partrner for 50 years I think I know what you would be saying at this point. "Don't try and do this on your own. At least tell our Pastor what you are going through"

  I’ll let you know how I go

  But until then

  You remain the love of my life

  Mike