PrintA few years ago while on one of the my personal retreats, I was surprised to find myself writing in my journal words that did not seem to be my own. Incidentally, I find that last statement very hard to explain. The best I can do is to say that on the rare occasions when this has happened, I find myself saying, "Where did that come from?" Since the Lord was the only other person present on that particular occasion, I am left with just one conclusion.
Well, on that occasion the words that I penned were these;
"Mike, I want you to pay close attention to your relationship with Bev because it is a reflection of your relationship with Me".
Over the years I have seen how true that statement is. Sometimes, disturbingly so. At other times, encouragingly so. When I sense distance between me and my Lord, I usually (often?) feel a similar relational distance between myself and my wife. Conversely, when I enjoy a sense of intimacy with my Lord, that is often reflected in my intimacy with Bev.
Neither Bev or I have ever wavered in our commitment to each other. That is non-negotiable and unchanging. But intimacy in our relationship is a variable. Which brings me to a statement that involves taking a considerable risk with anyone who may one day read this article. The statement is this;
The Christian life without prayer is like married life without sex.
Sex and prayer - strange bedfellows indeed!! (No pun intended!). If you aren't too offended by that statement, let me explore this comparison with you. [Please note: In making these observations, I am very sensitive to those readers who are single or widowed. However, I think that they, too, will be able to see the value of this statement.]
I can't claim originality for this link between sex and prayer. The Apostle Paul made a similar connection in 1 Corinthians 7/3-5 as did the Apostle Peter in 1 Peter 3/7. This ought not to surprise us because each is an expression of intimacy - prayer in the Christian life and sex in the married life.
Mind you, these are not the only expressions of intimacy in their respective realms but each is probably the most powerful and enriching expression. So, let me go ahead with this comparison.
1. There needs to be a commitment to engage in prayer with regularity rather than treating it carelessly, otherwise it becomes erratic and inconsistent. So it is with sex.
2. Prayer needs to be an expression of true commitment to each other - a commitment to an exclusive relationship. So it is with sex.
3. Sometimes prayer requires a measure of preparation of one's heart and mind, e.g. preparing a quiet place, making adequate time etc.So it is with sex.
4. At other times prayer will be spontaneous, a 'spur-of-the-moment' surge of passion or intensity rather than something that is routine, dull and predictable. So it is with sex.
5. Prayer ought not to be self-centred, an activity in which I engage only when I want to get something for myself regardless of the Lord's response. So it is with sex.
6. Prayer (or the lack of it) may reveal the true condition of the relationship - alive and dynamic or mundane, routine and tired. So it is with sex.
Many of us are scared of and intimidated by the idea of intimacy. It involves vulnerability. I once heard intimacy defined as "in-to-me-see" which implies the opening of ourselves to another so that they can see the real me. Becoming naked, so to speak. Taking away the coverings (clothes?) so that nothing is hidden.
This was the condition of humankind before the entry of sin into our world. Genesis 2/25 puts it like this:
"Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame".
They felt no shame with each other and they felt no shame in the openness with God. They were relaxed in their nakedness - their total transparency. It was not until sin invaded their lives that they tried to hide from God (Genesis 3/8). Their intimacy was compromised. No longer would they be able or willing to be totally honest and vulnerable. Communication with God (prayer) was severely damaged. Intimacy was mortally wounded.
I have no doubt that the communication (intimacy) between the man and the woman was similarly wounded. The man blamed the woman. The woman blamed the serpent. And from that time to this, our unwillingness to accept responsibility for our choices and our behaviour has muddied the relational waters of our lives - the vertical relationship with God and the horizontal relationships - especially the marriage relationship.
Perhaps you can now see the significance of the original statement?
The Christian life without prayer is like married life without sex.
May I invite you to get away quietly on your own and meditate on Psalm 139? Here you will find that we are intimately known by God - no thought, word and action can be hidden from Him. As we rest ourselves in that amazing truth, maybe we can begin to recover some of the intimacy that has been lost. The degree to which we recover our intimacy with God can be the degree to which we recover intimacy with our marriage partner.
